I’m late? So what?

Yeah, Valentine’s day has been over for a bit by now, but I just came across those really neat proofs that prove that one’s girlfriend is the greatest possible girlfriend.

Do check them out.

On a related note a friend of mine got a mathematical V-card that said something like

(you) – I can’t function without you

He’s unsurprisingly flattered and mildly disturbed. He considered for a second that I might have been the sender but I obviously would have used more advanced maths.

While we’re at it I had been considering using the love without borders thing where you would have paid £3 to send someone a message together with a rose. The messages I had been considering were

Watch it, punk.

I would’ve send that one and she would’ve so known it was me, possibly even appreciated it. The other idea was

There is someone else.

It’s hilarious, even though it might’ve utterly ruined someone’s day. Worth spending £3 on? I think not.

Valentine’s day already?

This post was prompted by two things. First I saw a Pizza place advertising their Valentine’s special and second this post told me about this ridiculous piece of writing. The first sentence perfectly summarises the column:

I want to wish a great big FUCK YOU to the singles out there who whine about Valentine’s Day.

Well, what shall one reply to so much love? Fuck you, too? (no wonder the author is Anonymous)

Let me start by saying that I don’t whine about Valentine’s Day. Nor do I whine about Christmas, Easter, New Year or Monday. I just don’t care. Which is probably the crux of the matter. You have to care to whine. You can’t whine about a day you barely register (OK, I do register Christmas, but only because I get to make out with Santa). The only reason why I know Valentine’s Dday (what’s up with the capital D anyway) is coming up is that I have planned a V-day special for my radio show. I won’t whine, but I might will make fun of it (though technically I’m not making fun, I’m simply coming up with a mainly humorous show with a V-ackground). Let’s face it, it’s high time for more humorous material on that day, we have the lovers and we have the haters, there ought to be content for people who don’t care but like to have a laugh (the lover and haters are, of course, allowed to enjoy the show too).

Still, some may wonder how come I don’t care. People who like their reality black and white may feel queasy just contemplating someone not standing on either side of the issue. The thing is I don’t remember the V-day being big in good old Switzerland. I have no recollection of cards, flowers and candy.

I’m sure I’m totally missing out on a great opportunity here. It’s just that I’m a stranger to that genre. I can write letters, essays and the occasional epic poem on exploding sheep but V-cards? In my limited knowledge of the genre I would have thought that cards and the likes were destined for a potential or concrete love interest. But apparently, if one is to trust a column written by a coward, family, friends, co-workers and even strangers are all potential recipients of V-ifts (if I may coin this word).

Now, if they are indeed a perfectly good audience for V-resents (this one’s even funnier) I would actually consider writing V-cards, though only if someone goes ahead and tells me what kind of genre those cards belong in.

Seriously, I’m game when it comes to writing cards, I’m even considering writing Easter cards this year (don’t ask – short story).